Learning to handle conflict effectively is a critical part of your leadership toolbox. If you want to get to the top of your profession, start your own business, or run your neighborhood association, you must learn how to get along with other people. Dealing with every type of person in a respectful way and effectively handling each conflict that comes your way is critical. This post is going to give you a shortcut to presenting yourself as both positive and powerful in the face of conflict.

Sure, there are many highly successful people who are not well liked. You probably have come across a few of them yourself through the years. They may be hot-tempered, patronizing, or intimidating. These people embody the powerful without the positive. Other people have positive professional relationships and yet are ineffective when it comes to conflict, because they carry no power.

You can attain the balance by learning the core skills of positive conflict.

1. Practice & handle your jitters. Play out the scenario ahead of time, so you can present yourself in a positive and powerful light.
2. Identify what’s bothering you, what changed behavior or result you would like to see, and then check in.
3. Be specific and use I-Statements in your discussion, and never label.
4. Say what you mean to say, politely and powerfully, by avoiding harsh adjectives and exaggerations.
5. Prioritize timing for the best results, and make your request specific, actionable, and  E for what you want the other person to do, and check in, to make confirm understanding.

Bonus Step:

1. Never hold a grudge. If you find that you are hanging on to the conflict, then address the situation again to ensure that it doesn’t poison future communications with the same person.